March 31, 2017

Before 8AM

Mornings in our household are a bit chaotic, which is complicated by the fact that I am not a great morning person.  Even with prep done the night before for the kids lunches and bottles, it is still am arms race to get us all out the door on time.  Here are a few thoughts I have every single morning before 8am...

Didn't I just go to sleep?

Each time our alarm clock goes off I am stunned.  Did I not just lay down to go to sleep?  Wasn't that just 5 minutes ago?  That whore of an alarm clock jarringly wakes us up at 5am every morning and it is all I can do to not fall to the floor heave sobbing...Why do you hate me, Universe!?

Is showering absolutely necessary today?

If I don't shower, how much more time would I be able to sleep?  Maybe I can get away with my greasy hair for one day.  Then it snowballs...Maybe I can get away with no makeup.  Maybe I can get away with no pants.   In the end, the shower and pants always win because I start to think about those people with strong BO and how miserable it is to sit next to them. No one wants to be that person.  

Am I going to shave my legs today, or am I going to put on fresh mascara?  

You see, mornings are hard for me..even with enough sleep.  Overexertion, for me, means doing both of these things on the same morning.  So I usually alternate. One morning will be for shaving my legs, the other morning will be for putting on fresh mascara.  This also means that I have just admitted that I wear my mascara for days at a time... #sorrynotsorry.

Do I really need to feed my kids this morning?  

Y'all having enough time to feed your kids in the morning is some mythical unicorn.  That kind of time just doesn't exist in my world.  I don't know about your kids, but mine take their sweet-ass time eating.  Any other bottle of the day, Vivian scarfs it down.  Her morning bottle however, she piddles around, smiling and giggling, for what feels like hours before her bottle is finished.  Bubba will not be able to decide what he wants to eat until we only have ten minutes left until time to go.  At this time, 10 minutes before we have to leave, he will request for me to cook scrambled eggs and biscuits...

boy please...have a granola bar and get your butt in the had your chance at a hot breakfast thirty minutes ago!

Do they smell?

This is a very important question for me in the morning.  Vivian and Bubba have not had a bath in two days...but do they smell?  Found the pair of work pants I want to wear that day on the floor...but do they smell?  Bubba is out of clean socks, because the boy misplaces over half of them, so I look for the cleanest pair of already worn socks and ask myself...but do they smell?  Basically, smelling is my barometer for what is acceptable...which can backfire during those times I sniff a little too hard and practically pass out from the stench.  I dare you to smell the socks your son wore for a baseball game...I dare ya.  

I am sure some of you are listening to that judgy voice inside your head as you say "Bless her heart, I would never...." Judge all you want, but I ask that you spend a few weeks in my shoes before doing so.  Raising two kids with both parents working at least full-time (the hubs works way more than your traditional full-time hours) is a comedy of errors to say the least.  Balls get dropped left and right.  I would say to an outsider looking in, our family in the morning is reminiscent of someone trying to herd cats...and all I can say is that I love my scattered herd.

Happy Friday, y'all!

Linking up with some of my favorite friday blogs!!
Karli | AndreaTif  | April | Amanda


Confessions of a Northern Belle said...

I hate how on television they always have time to sit down and eat breakfast together before school. That is NOT real unless your kids are homeschooled haha!

Stopping over from the linkup - hope you can pop by my blog too!

Shooting Stars Mag said...

Hey, no judgement here! I don't have kids yet but I know how hard it can be to deal with my niece and nephew sometimes, so I an only imagine what it's like on a daily basis! hah I sniff things sometimes too - I can wear this again, right?


Laura Darling said...

This had me cracking up. Love the gifs. I don't have kids yet but a bunch of my coworkers do and I marvel at their ability to get everyone fed and out the door every morning!