January 20, 2017

The return is bittersweet


I have completed my first week back at work after a glorious 3 months of maternity leave.  I have so loved my time with Vivian, and Bubba too, but it kind of feels good to be back at work.  Sure, it is going to be hard to juggle everything...and some days I will absolutely hate being a full-time working mother versus being a stay-at-home mom...but for right now, I feel refreshed and ready to be back.  It really helps to have the most awesome co-workers a girl could ever ask for...it doesn't feel like I have left my family, it just feels like I have returned to my other family.


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One of the first thoughts that popped in my head when I returned to work on Tuesday was "I miss being pregnant..." The last time I had been in my office I was a very, very pregnant bag of water. There is an energy that surrounds you while you are pregnant. People fawn over you and tell you how beautiful you are and how gorgeous your baby is going to be. It was something really fantastic and definite to look forward to.


I remember sitting in my office with constant anticipation as I rubbed my belly out of habit. I remember all of her kicks and somersaults that she would do throughout the day while I met with students and responded to emails. Students would get wide eyed when they would see my belly move around from Viv doing jumping jacks in my tummy. I was never lonely when I was pregnant. It feels a little lonely without Viv in my belly. No more kicks and belly rolls. She was with me everywhere I went for 9 months and suddenly, it is just me again.  I have always loved being pregnant..



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One of the things I miss the most about maternity leave is, not only the time spent with Vivian, but even more so the time I got to spend with Bubba.  I had not been able to spend that kind of time with him since I was on maternity leave after he was born.  He still had school and other commitments outside the home, but I got to pick him up from school every day at 2:30.  I got to spend an extra two and a half hours with him every day.  We went for walks, painted, built legos, did homework, played with Viv, went for ice cream, etc. I just really enjoyed that extra time with him.  He is such a cool and hilarious kid. We really won the lottery when we had him.  He will forever be The Dude..


Image may contain: 1 person, sleeping and baby


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The night before my return to work I had a small anxiety attack.  I rambled on to my concerned and understanding hubs, without taking a breath, about how there is no way I'm going to be able to get both kids after work, get supper on the table, help Bubba with his homework, and get the kids bathed and in bed by 8.  Naturally, I felt like the world was ending.  Well I think the universe found this hilarious and decided to mess with me...so on my first day back at work Hubs got a horrible stomach bug AND a cold.  I haven't seen him so sick in a long time.  He was unable to help with the kids very much.  The past few days I have found my true strength and have realized that it will be a while before we perfect our family routine...Sometimes the kids will not get bathed for two days or will get to bed late and sometimes supper will be a peanut butter and jelly sandwich instead of a meat, starch, vegetable meal...and that is OK because what really matters is that we have a house full of love.


I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!  I am looking forward to spending time with my family after a week filled with adjustments and transitions.


Linking up with some of my favorite friday blogs!!



4 comments:

Confessions of a Northern Belle said...

I know the feeling you're talking about... after being pregnant for so long you're suddenly not and when you're out in public you just feel weird. A pregnant lady at the grocery store gets so many nice smiles and gestures, but a normal lady is ignored. Then again... going to the grocery store with two kids under 3 gets some smiles too! Have a great weekend!

SMD @ lifeaccordingtosteph said...

What a way to get back into it! I hope everyone is back to healthy in your house.

Melissa Fitch said...

It sounds like you are doing an incredible job! Hope you are able to relax and enjoy the weekend!

Kenj said...

Yikes, I guess you learned you can handle it all! You're rocking it, keep on keeping on!